A New Skin

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Very little has been easy about being engaged.

It is far, far harder than falling in love and realizing the other person is different and so you die to yourself and learn to compromise, but always still as an individual, as still you.

Being engaged is learning to slip into a new skin. A shared skin.

No longer are you protected by the small, selfish part of you that is allowed to declare that certain times and days and amounts of money and space are yours and yours alone.

I think we think that happens once you marry. That that is what the newlywed fights are about, the tension, the stepping on toes after coming together under one roof and realizing there's no room to go to when you need a break from the other person.

Why did I never stop to realize that it has to --must--happen before the wedding?

Now is the faltering, the biting of lips, the stubbornly crossed arms, the disquieting knowledge that how you spend your money, your time, your energy, is now answerable to another person.

When you plan to join two lives, it only makes sense that you would begin to sort the pieces and slowly fit them together months in advance.

Very little has been hard about being engaged.

I am so much surer and calmer and anchored in our relationship. We both agreed almost instantly afterward that somehow our relationship feels deeper, realer. We no longer need to defend it or our choices to others. We are engaged.

He is my fiancé. 

She is my fiancée.

There is little arguing with that. And so we begin. Slowly, but surely, leaving behind our old lives and relationships, shifting things to make way for a new one together. For the family the two of us will be. I will be his wife. No one can argue with that or accuse him of spending too much time with me. He will be my husband. No one can say I choose him over work and other people. I do, and I will, and I should.

We are becoming a family.

There is nothing easy and nothing hard about it.


  1. This picture is everything!!

    Your words and thoughts are breathtaking. I am so happy for you two!!

    1. Thank you thank you!! God is good, even in the messiness!