Saturday, July 26, 2014

It's Saturday night and the end of a very long week. Nothing exceedingly bad happened, but neither did anything exceedingly wonderful. In many ways it was an ordinary "life" week filled with work, sleep, dinner, blog reading, and running errands. And yet, I'm utterly exhausted and tired. It's one of those weeks that leaves me wanting to crawl under the covers and not have to deal with human beings or the world for a good two years. One of those 'can-everyone-just-leave-me-alone-kaythanksbye?' weeks.

I've worked a bit of overtime recently and have logged onto Facebook to see photos from all my different college friends who are studying abroad - most of them are in England right now. The country that I've loved and wanted to visit ever since I can remember. Due to scholarship application deadlines and other variables, studying abroad this summer wasn't going to work out and I made peace with that; it honestly didn't bother me. But for whatever reason, it really kicked in that I'm not there and these last two weeks have been pretty hard. Just sometimes feeling like I'm in the wrong place, like that could have been me. Throw in being separated from other college friends because we're all back in our respective hometowns, having a sore back, and dealing with the sometimes very blunt rudeness of customers, and I feel just a little worn out.

This isn't a post to complain, but rather a random, honest jumble of what's gong on right now. And from recent posts, if you didn't know any better, it make look like I have deep and profound thoughts and go to cute, hipster coffeeshops every day. But that's not what my life looks like. If I share a picture of a coffeecup, it's from my day off or the weekend. I work Fridays and Saturdays in addition to weekdays, so I like to try to do one "fun" thing each weekend like grab coffee or splurge on a clothes sale to still make the weekend feel special despite the fact that I'm usually working. But outside of that, I'm either working or on my way home or flopping in bed to mentally undwind or grabbing some much needed sleep. It's summer so everyone's busier, it's true, and this week has been no exception. 

I think I'm just honestly mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. Having a job is good practice for real life - sometimes you have to work on a bad day, sometimes you're just not "on" the way you need to, sometimes things go smoothly according to plan, sometimes there's a huge misunderstanding and countless snafus, sometimes people are extremely rude and demanding, sometimes people are overwhelmingly nice and make you laugh every day, and sometimes you have to show up even on days you don't want to. 

Because that's life: we have to show up, even when we're exhausted and need a break. And I am showing up. But I think this is a roundabout way of saying I'm ready to go back to school, to get back in my old routine. There haven't been any outfit posts around here lately because I'm usually too tired and in far too casual/bummy clothes after I get home for work. One more reason why I'm looking forward to school starting again - opportunities to dress cute

 I find when I'm stressed or have worked a long day or have stretched myself too thin in any aspect of life, I need to unwind slowly to feel like myself again. It was that soul-deep exhaustion as well as a headache that set it once I was finally back from work today; I took off my shoes and changed into soft, comfy clothes. I lit a giant candle, put on some quiet Chet Baker jazz music, curled up on my bed, and caught up on blogs.

 I was still so exhausted mentally and emotionally though...and in need of restorative carbs. So I took some Motrin, piled the younger siblings in the car and took them to Panera. The warm colors of the restaurant, the calming ambiance, and hot, delicious macaroni + cheese and French baguette and iced green tea was just what my soul needed. We talked quietly over our food and laughed about silly things as only siblings can do. Of course, chocolate was necessary, so we split a dark chocolate ganache cupcake as well as a cinnamon crumb scone. I came home with a smile + relaxed shoulders to put on some more jazz music and breathe deeply. 

This is very rambling and 100% unedited; I just wanted to be very honest about how I've felt the past two weeks. No one's life is perfect and you can never see all of it, so please know that everyone has rough weeks and good weeks. This is a bit of a brain dump post, which I never do. But it just feels right, so I'm posting this. And I know there are other people out there who have a lot more to be stressed about or tired from than just working at their job. I'm fortunate to be working and I know that, so I'm not ungrateful at all. Just tired and musing over things after a long week. That's all. 

 I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to getting some sleep and just relaxing. Hope your weekend is a good one, friends. 


  1. yes. i love doing posts like these...With our culture, and with media it's so easy to put up the mask of only the good things, and to not be vulnerable with challenges. Props to you for being vulnerable :)

    1. Thanks, Amber. I felt silly after posting it, so I pulled it back in my 'drafts" folder...but your comment gave me the courage to re-post it. <3

  2. I love your honesty, girl. God never gives us anything we can't handle, and that's what helps me through hard, stressful weeks. I'll be praying for you! Love ya! ♥

  3. I have been feeling this way a lot lately and it is nice to know that I am not alone! Thanks for sharing!!!

  4. Ugh, I've been having such a week, too- where I don't want to see anybody, talk to anybody, be in the same room with anybody (because who needs people when one has movies and food?). Hang in there! :)

  5. AnonymousJuly 28, 2014

    PANERA IS GOOD FOR DA SOUL. Seriously. (Praying for you!!)

  6. I'm tired too. Too bad you don't live close by! We could go out to eat and then come to my place for cake and BBC shows. I think July and August are just such exhausting months. They feel so in-between-ish, kind of like February and March, and like the only thing to do is eat and rest. lol.