Living in the Moments of Sunbeams

Friday, September 6, 2013

I'm a wild lover of beauty.

I'm a dream chaser, a meadow-finder, a star-gazer. The quiet moments between sunset and dusk when it's just the sound of your breath, the golden warmth of the sun, and the summer air in your throat are some of my favorites. The lull of softly falling rain, or the way the summer breezes frolic on the butter-yellow kissed leaves outside my window...the soft sigh that slips out as I curl up in bed beneath the refuge of warm, soft blankets after a long day. The delicate falling notes of a piano or strains of a violin...all these are drops of beauty that I cup my hands to catch. And treasure. And hunger for.

We're all hungry for beauty and peace and serenity. We're all dream chasers, deep-down. Some of us just forget. And some of us always remember.

I pluck at stars, dance with the wind, and smile at the rain...I collect songs and memories warm from light and love, like how little ones collect fireflies in glass jars. My jar is my heart, my soul. I fill it with all the beautiful things I find and love...and so it spills over, overflowing and over-brimming until it spills out of my eyes and my mouth. It spills out when I gaze dreamily or smile with wonder.

Growing into oneself  is a curious thing, but getting to know oneself is even curiouser and lovelier. You begin to understand what feeds your soul...what makes your breath speed and your eyes light up...what makes your heart sing and your face begin to understand what gives you life.

The gloriousness of a sunset. The sweet sticky smell of pies baking. The ray of light that glimmers through the tall grass just perfectly. The swirl of fabric around you as you pirouette. The note that soars high into the clouds and falls back to touch you in a way it never has before. The rain that patters a symphony on your windowsill.

Understanding myself has meant embracing imperfection. Realizing that for me, striving for perfection in everything I do only leaves me stranded in fear of failing and not fulfilling my own expectations of perfection.

Understanding that I am messy, that life is messy, that art is messy. And it is all right - it is wonderful. It is good.

                     "let us come alive to the splendor that is all around us, and see the beauty in ordinary things."                                                                                                                 - thomas merton

I love the sunbeams, whether they are strong or weak, flickering or blinding. So many different shades and strengths and no one is the only perfect kind. That's what I want to be. My own little beam of sun, flickering and shining my way through this green goodness that is our world. Tasting beauty, creating art, savoring breath, living life.

It's all I can hope for, is to live a life full of sweet moments and remembering the strength found in the bitter ones. To treasure the sundrops of gold even when dusk is close by.

That is, at least to me, the only way to live.

That is who I am discovering...the girl who collects sunbeams and glimpses of beauty. Who is learning to create and share, even if her art is messy and imperfect and different and small and wild and so her. 

The girl who believes in dreams even when it's not night, who wishes even if there's no star, and who dances even if there's no music, who lives in the moments of sunbeams.

 The girl who is me.

“It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about.

What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up

in order to do the things you really care about.” ― Shauna Niequist

[I'm off on a winding, sun and laugh-filled adventure with friends on a retreat this weekend...we'll sit by fires, share hopes and thoughts of the heart, dance under the moon, and breathe in fellowship and love. Most of all, I'll be drinking in and living in the moments of sunbeams. May you do the same. 

A happy, calm, and sunlight-filled weekend to you, friends. 


  1. What a beautiful post. Sunbeams entrance me too, especially when they filter through trees or curtains. Thanks for writing this!

    1. Victoria, aren't sunbeams so magical? I love glimpses of them, especially through windows also! And you are welcome - thank you for reading!

  2. This is so very lovely... and that first photo of you is so exquisitely beautiful. ♥

    1. Thank you, dear older sister. :) A sweet friend took the first picture.

  3. This is absolutely beautiful and enchanting. I can't explain why I like to see the wonder in the creation around me and you nailed it right on the head. (I was also listening to the Boyce Avenue cover of One Direction's song that you put in a previous post and just got chills.):)

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet words,'s always good to meet another kindred spirit. :) And isn't the cover of that song so haunting and lovely??